My heart will go on

Well, this week I went to the heart doctor..... For those who don't know, I have an irregular heart beat. It only occurs when I go to bed, when I'm stressed. Right before I go to sleep it happens, it feels like I'm being hit by a train. It's scary, it is hard to breath when it happens.

Anyway, I went and saw the doctor. I have to wear a heart monitor for a month. Josh had something similar, only his was for a day. Since he always has his(he has a leaky valve in his heart), and mine only occurs occasionally. But the doctor said I should keep a "medical journal" when it happens. So don't freak if I say something weird like what I'm talking about.... Like last night, since I had the doctors appointment, and I had to strip from my belly button up. So lets just say it was Stressful with a capital S. So when I went to sleep my heart was going crazy. It was like beat. beat. beat...BEAT... beat. beat... beat......beat. beat. beat. beat... BEAT... beat. beat. BEAT...

Just like that. Yup. It has been like this for 3 or 4 years now. My mom has the same thing, only she says mine is worse.

That is my life now, I get a heart monitor the first week of school. Plenty of stress there! (cough*sarcasm*cough)

have a good week everyone.

Year of 2010

Well, this year, will be interesting.

For myself, this year:

-I will be turning 20 (No longer a teenager! [yay!])

-I will be finishing my AA [Major: Fine Arts/Art History] at Victor Valley College (Super yay!)

-I hopefully will be accepted into Cal State San Bernandino. (Hopefully!)

-I will be developing my photography.

I am excited! I don't know what will happen... There was drama last year, pain, hurts, happiness, boredom, felicity, vexations, sickness, fun, love, and craziness.... This year too, hopefully!

How time does fly...

This might be called a narration of the year I had before. A recall of the year 2009, in the words of Erin, of her life, this year.

Even though I have the misfortune to be most forgetful, especially in my memories. I shall give my explanation, of those that I remember...

Well in January on the 20th, Barack Obama became president of the United States. On that same day, I had ankle surgery. It was a corrective surgery, my ankle grew wrong so they made it right again. When I went under, Bush was president. When I woke up, Obama was president. It was an interesting day. I had a cast for two weeks. Lets just say that those two weeks were the most difficult of the whole year. The week I got my cast off, I went to the ER because I woke up putting weight on my foot against the foot board of my bed. It pain was bad enough to make me lose sleep, even with my super pain medication. When I returned home, I had a fever/head cold/stomach flu... God bless the hospitals....

After that I was in physical therapy for a month. Then school started again. I finished my high school work on January 26, thus ending high school half a year early. I then started college as a college student, full time. It isn't as hard as high school, but it is a lot more work.

February 16th, Becky turned 21.

Then I was busy with school forever and ever... About May, is when terror attacked. Literally. My dad and uncle were attacked by bees. I was chased around my grandma's house by the bees. My dad and uncle were taken to the hospital in ambulances... It was one of the most terrifying times of my life....

May 20th, Josh turned 16.

Around that time I had a boyfriend, Zac. He was very kind to me, and I am thankful for that... Unfortunately, it didn't work out, and two months later we broke up.

In June I graduated from high school officially. It was such a ghetto graduation...There were so many gangs there, cheering for their little sisters who were graduating... My dad is paying my brother not to go to his graduation.

On August 12th, I turned 19 years old. My last year as a teenager...boo hoo.... My dad turned 52 on the same day. We had youth group over for my birthday. Honestly, it wasn't what I really wanted, but you must be happy with what you get....

School started again... Forever and ever... I had a drawing class that I learned soooo much from. It was grand.

Then in December, school ended and won't start again until next year!

On December 16th, my mom turned 50.

Christmas was great, it was a lot of fun even though it wasn't very eventful... Though that is fine with me!

Now I'm just waiting for the new year, my last year at the college! Then in the Fall I hopefully will transfer to Cal State... Hopefully.... =)

That is my recollection of 2009, there are lots of holes. I know. I am quite forgetful..... But that was my year, hopefully next year will be as eventful!

-Erin

Chapter 1 is always the best

Pride and Prejudice
by Jane Austen (<---- My favorite author)

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife. However little is known that feelings or views of such a man may be on his first entering a neighborhood, this truth is so well fixed in the minds of the surrounding families, the he is considered as the rightful property of some one or other of their daughters.

I would have to think.... Poor man, being property of some one or other of someone's daughters. Sad day. It still happens now-a-days, sadly. Hahahahaha.... I love this book. You should read it.

That dull pain that creeps up

I really hate being sick. Especially with the flu, just because of that dull pain that covers your whole body. This morning I woke up at 7:30 because the top teeth and gum's hurt for some reason, it was really strange. I was sick last week too, but I got whatever my brother got so not cool... Hopefully I get better by tomorrow because I have to present at school tomorrow. Blah.

Mamma Mia!

Here I go again..... Well today I give my first public speaking class speech... OMG. I am so nervous. My teacher told me that you need to turn your nervous energy into positive energy, but do you know how hard that is??? Geez, people I am not a machine, I cannot think like that... Got to go, working on the rest of my speech.... =O

ttfn

Jane Austen was always a favorite

I just watched the BBC version of Sense and Sensibility. And there was a remark that I took and quite ran with. "Why are men so difficult to understand? What are we to them? People or playthings?" (-Marianne)....

I concur with Marianne. What are woman to men? I guess to most we are people, but then to most we are playthings. Now I am not one of those women who get offended by men, I believe a man should be the head of the house and the "ruler of his house". It's just finding that guy who can "tame the beast". Because of my "strong-will" as my mother puts it, I am beginning to wonder if I could ever meet such a man. I've only found some pretty weak ones, and even at that I wonder if I was a person or a plaything to them. (I'm finding myself write on what I desire in a man) =)

I am quite inclined to find a man like Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice. Someone strong, but with the inclination to bring out the best in his partner. Any couple, engaged or married or even just together, if destined to be must have a "grasp" of their partner. Being able to understand and control an amount of their lives, but not to the point of destroying any dreams. Unless it is destined to fail and the other can see it. Encouragement should be of great importance to the "couple". There might be faults, but sometimes they can't be helped. That's life, no one is perfect.
Now whether we begin the search with that in mind or find out half way through the search, could make things difficult, but it really makes no difference.

Trust is another thing, in the Pride and Prejudice story, Elizabeth's youngest sister, Lydia, is forced to marry the man she ran off with. Now Lydia will have to be stuck with a man who she will never be able to trust, unless she is so blind she does not see his disagreeable traits. Trust is not just grasped and can be let go of in a moments notice. If you trust someone, there should be no doubt or problems with what they do. Sure you can feel, uncomfortable, but what they do in the end is their choice (unless your their mother of course!).

Romance with a spark of mischief is also quite desirable, well for me anyways. (haha) You can always tell those types. They are quite humorous to watch, especially when they are trying to get your attention! Though, knowing myself, I might end up with just a romantic (hopefully at that).

Forgiveness is big one with me though. I hate, hate, hate the fact that no one forgives.I know it can be hard at moments, but really you know what it can do to relationships if you don't forgive. Sure they can blow over sometimes, but you keep that thought in your head it can bring very bitter thoughts in your mind. And you can use it to stab the person next time you see them and "fight" or whatever. It is quite vexing in the matter, forgiveness is a gift that should be freely given to everyone, whether they deserve it or not. Most people it takes them a long time to learn it. Myself included, but hopefully I am trying harder to stop the silliness.

Well I'm done talking of the matter, hopefully it brings understand to any person who reads it. And if it seems silly or bothers anyone, I'm sorry, those are just inclinations of a very silly 19 year old romantic girl.... =)

forgiveness for the fool

You know, sometimes the hardest way to learn you have a temper is to lose it... I learned I have a temper.... Now the question is how do I make it stop?

And another thing, why do people never forgive someone when they apologize? My mom always taught me when someone said their sorry, to forgive them, not to say "It's okay" or say nothing, but to say "I forgive you.". Especially if you meant it, or even if you didn't. Even ever I hear people "apologizing" I never hear a forgiven statement from the other. Whenever I lose my temper and say I'm sorry, I never, ever hear a "Erin, I forgive you." It's normally a.... "Next time do better". Then It's not really a forgiveness thing is it? If anyone does that, does it really count as "forgiveness"? God says we're supposed to forgive 490 times to just one person, so that means you shouldn't count how many times you have to forgive a person, correct? And should you forgive even if you don't feel like it? Oi, so many questions!

So, if you love someone, or want to be their friend, forgiveness is a virtue that should always be at the top level. It's not easy, but you know what? The more you get to know someone, the more you find their faults. Sometimes, others see more of them then others... But it is a real fact of life. People do dumb things, assume dumb things, twist dumb things, and hurt other peoples feelings. And it isn't easy at first, but once you begin to forgive people, it starts to make a difference... I know, I have a long way to go with forgiving people, but I honestly should start trying. Because we are made in God's image, and God gave us the bible to keep us in line. So forgiveness is a crucial in loving others. Whether it's our enemies, parents, siblings, family members, friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, wifes, and even the people you haven't met. Don't you think it's time to forgive?

Time flies by...

I remember when I first met you, your smile drew me in.
It seemed so fun to have you be the one that came around.
Everyday it seemed, that you would come around.
Slowly stealing my heart, I wish this could go on.
Now you slowly slip away, not coming around as much.
My heart is getting lonely. Is that too much to ask?
Where did you go, my love? Why are you slipping away?
Come back to me, my love, and let us get away.
-Unknown

My name is Inigo Montoya... you killed my father.

Guess what today is?! FATHER'S DAY!!! Well, today we went to church and then took my dad to lunch at the Airport cafe. We had a pleasant lunch (except for the screaming child in the background). My dad, right now, is sleeping before he has to go to work. He is working nights tonight. That's the only pic I could find of my dad... So yahh, Happy Father's day daddy! I love you!

Something horrible

There's a something horrible inside me.
Just tearing, wanting to get out.
It eats at me, clawing, angrily at my soul.
No matter how hard I try to ignore this jealously inside.
It makes me see that there's a reason that I hide.
My soul begs for mercy from the creature's dangerous glare.
I've been there, and done that, and see the pain it's caused.
It isn't fair to those who see it's ugly head.
So I hide the way I feel when I see the things I dislike.

My horrible experience...

Today I got my wisdom teeth out.... Ouch..... I got to the doctors and waited about an hour until they called me back... Then they put me in a chair and put sticky things on my chest and belly, so they could hear my heart beat. Then they took my blood pressure and made me use my inhaler before the "exciting" stuff happened... I had to take my hair out and put it in a blue fluffy hat. Then the doctor came in and put the IV in my hand. I didn't cry for once.

They then put a medicine in to make any swelling go down... boy did it hurt and itch.. i won't tell you where, but it was BAD. Then I sat there while they prepped me.... Then they put a needle in and I feel sleepy and BAM! I was out....

I woke up, my head hurt, my whole body hurt... It was so strange... My mind was working and fine, but my body was achy and I couldn't open my eyes and I couldn't talk (course I had gauze in my mouth), but i remember them picking me up and talking and then dragging me to the car..... being in the car, going home.... yahhh i have had a bad day today.... hopefully it gets better soon....

I miss him a lot..... I love you Zac!

bee attack!

Friday, May 29th, 2009: 10am *Erin's perspective*

My family went down the hill to my grandma's house. To cut down an old, old avocado tree. My mom (Patti), dad (Russ), little brother (Josh), uncle (Richard), great uncle (Bill), cousin (Tim), grandma (Barbara), and I were at her house. I didn't work on the tree because I was studying for a math final, but everyone else was outside, busily working on the tree. My mom and grandma came inside to get their stuff so they could return a chain saw that wasn't working. Shortly after they left, my brother came inside to cool off and get a drink. Now my dad and Uncle Richard were working on the tree itself, my Uncle was on a man lift cutting branches. While my GUB (or Great Uncle Bill) and cousin Tim were working in the back with a chipper to, obviously, chip the wood.

My brother and I went to the window in the kitchen to watch my dad and uncle work on the tree. When we noticed little bugs start to fly around his head. He looks at them and starts to lower the man lift, swatting the "bugs" away... It turns out those "bugs" were bees. Now, something you need to know is my uncle is deathly allergic to bees. Now continuing on, he starts to swat at them making them angry. So more and more start to come and sting him. The man lift stops and he calls out to my dad to help him. My dad runs to the man lift and desperately tries to get the lift down. Unfortunately, no one has told him how to work the lift so while this is happening, my dad and uncle are being attacked by very angry bees.

Now, I don't even know what I was thinking... I ran around the house madly, looking for a blanket to cover up my uncle when he got down. I found one and ran outside, only to be told to run and get my Uncle Bill. So I run to the other side of the house to get Uncle Bill, and my cousin Tim is with him. Of course the chipper is running, so they can't hear me. I run up all out of breath screaming, "Uncle Bill! Uncle Bill! Their being attacked by bees!" They don't understand me, later on my cousin told me he thought something was on fire, but they noticed a line of bees following me, so it clued them in on what was really happening. I finally notice the bees going and starting to attack me so I start to run. Again, a little side info, my grandma has a circular driveway, so I just ran up and down the backside of the driveway. As I am running, I'm screaming and crying, "Oh God, please make them stop!" It was difficult, also hearing the screams of my dad and uncle from the other side of the house. They eventually lost interest in me when I took the sweater off that I was wearing. I was stung twice on the back of my skull.

It is very hard to explain the fear. I was so scared and panicked, I cried with no tears... More like dry sobs. By then, my sensitive bronchial disease was catching up with me (its like asthma). I sat in the garage and cried and panted and coughed. When I went outside I saw my dad and uncle hosing themselves down, my Uncle Bill helping, and my cousin on the phone calling 911. I went up to my dad and helped him get the bees out of his hair and off his body. We took them to the garage and made them sit/lay down. Then my brother, cousin, and I went to the driveway to watch for the emergency crews.

When we spotted the firetrucks coming down the street, we waved them down and watched them from the inside of their trucks, putting on bee netting under their helmets. They eventually came out and looked around the house and over my uncle and dad. They then separated into two groups. Group one grabbed heart monitors and their emergency bags, and immediately starting looking after my dad and uncle. Group two went to the truck and started to hose down the tree, house, and vehicle near the hive, trying to calm down the bees. They then too a soap and washed down my uncle's truck, the man lift, and the driveway (I guess it was to calm the bees sense's).

I mostly watched Group one, they worked on my dad and uncle until the paramedics got there. I had to call my brother's teacher and tell her that my brother won't be able to come in, and then I called my sister (Becky) who was at home. I was fine at first, but then it was like a rain storm flooded over me... I got off the phone with my sister as my mom and grandma arrived from the trip. My brother had called them and said my uncle was the one stung, so they didn't even know my dad was just as bad. So my mom is shocked to see my dad being looked over by the firemen. The paramedics then bring to gurneys for my dad an uncle. My dad slowly gets up and has they whisk him away, he asks for pain medication. My uncle though, can't even stand, so the firemen have to help him on the gurney. My mom then comes over to me and hugs me, then noticing my breathing irregularities. She had one of the firemen look at me and unfortunately they didn't have an inhaler in the truck and I had forgotten mine at home.

So when we left to the hospital, I saw 3 firetrucks, 2 paramedics, and two police cars. The police cars were blocking the streets, they actually closed the whole street. My grandma's house is a four lane, very busy street and is a freeway entrance, so them closing it was something big.

In the end, my dad and uncle both had over 200+ bee stings each. They are both fine, except for some hive looking bumps on their body. I have two on the back of my head, which I am getting looked at tomorrow because they are HUGE and made my neck muscles to my shoulder muscles sore for a while, that and the glands in my neck are swollen still... So that isn't any fun, but everyone is fine now. Thank God for his protection. My dad said something that really bothered me, but it is so true. He said "Instead of having dinner with you now, you could be planning my funeral. " But praise God we aren't, you can't say that God doesn't work miracles!

Starting Over

Well it happened! I went to see him at his "first" day of work. He looked so cute sitting on the lifeguard stand... I waited for about an hour and a half before he had moved to a chair by gate close enough where I could talk to him. I called his name, I've never seen a face so surprised... pleasantly surprised. He couldn't talk to me for long though, or else get in trouble. So I waited another half hour or so, then when he got out we walked to his car and he officially asked me to be his girlfriend! *gasp* I'm so happy! He then came to my house and hung out with me for a while.... This day truly has had its ups and downs!

April showers, May flowers and pretty stuff!

May. The last month of school for most schools, birthday's, and just fun times. I love this time of year, it's starting to get warm and it's just so beautiful outside. People are so open-minded and relaxed... Most of the time anyways. You can open windows and let the stuffy, old winter air out and the warm air of spring and eventually summer in... Then there's the fun of water fights and just having a blast with your friends; water fights, movies, popsicles, surviving the summer heat and then some. Then if you find that one person you want to spend the time with... It just might make the perfect summer!

Last Day of April 2009

In 25 minutes it will be May 1st, 2009.... Hard to believe it. In 20 days and some hours my baby brother will turn 16. It will be summer break soon, and I will graduate at the end of the month... Hard to believe....

2009 think back:
January: New year, finished high school work
February: Becky's 21st birthday, (Valentine's Day... fav. holiday)
March: Started as a full-time college student
April: Surviving as a full-time college student

2009 look forward to:
May: Josh's 16th birthday!!!
June: Graduation from high school, signing up for CSU-SB
July: Summer!
August: Daddy's 52st birthday and my 19th birthday
September: Start final semester of VVC
October: Halloween? Idk, school
November: Thanksgiving, school
December: Mommy's 50th birthday, Transfering to CSU-SB, Christmas... hehe


That's what I have to look forward to this year!

Now I don't know if there will be anything good in between those years, but I am praying that there is!

Following shadows

Have you ever thought you were doing the right thing, living the right life, giving the right things? Have you ever thought that and then had everything turned upside down, everything you thought was right, is made to look like it is wrong? The road you once followed now has a bend and narrow path that you never seemed to notice before. Then someone who has been on that road, shows up and says, "Have you ever thought to wander from the norm?". Then you get that taste of freedom for the first time... Such a happiness, bliss... Then you go back on the old path for the sake of "others", and there is that longing.... Longing for that freedom and that happiness, but you don't know if you can return to that happiness without hurting the "others". Which path would you choose?

Haiku's

These are some haiku's I wrote:

Going through the jungle deep
I suddenly see a tiger jump me
I woke from my dream

Walking down the lonely pier
I see a couple sitting near me
Secretly I am truly jealous

Cookies are good and sweet
They are always enjoyable to the taste
Willing and able to please


<3

Wind blowing on my face

Is it possible to be in love with a place? The ocean is a place I could stay near or by, but it's hard because I love Hesperia. I know that sounds crazy, most people say they can't wait to get away from the desert, but I love it here. I grew up in this place, my friends are here, my family, my home..... But, when ever I go to the ocean, I feel so at peace.... It is hard to explain. I love my home, but I feel at home near the ocean... It's weird.

My brother's dog, Cody, is sitting in my arms. Do you know how hard it is to type with a little dog in your arms? Very.

ttfn

True love waits

The one I love,
He'd give it all for me.
The one who cares,
He'd be happy with who I am.
The one who will sweep me off my feet,
He'll be the I give my heart to.
The one, the only, everlasting love.

~Erin Bryan