Jane Austen was always a favorite

I just watched the BBC version of Sense and Sensibility. And there was a remark that I took and quite ran with. "Why are men so difficult to understand? What are we to them? People or playthings?" (-Marianne)....

I concur with Marianne. What are woman to men? I guess to most we are people, but then to most we are playthings. Now I am not one of those women who get offended by men, I believe a man should be the head of the house and the "ruler of his house". It's just finding that guy who can "tame the beast". Because of my "strong-will" as my mother puts it, I am beginning to wonder if I could ever meet such a man. I've only found some pretty weak ones, and even at that I wonder if I was a person or a plaything to them. (I'm finding myself write on what I desire in a man) =)

I am quite inclined to find a man like Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice. Someone strong, but with the inclination to bring out the best in his partner. Any couple, engaged or married or even just together, if destined to be must have a "grasp" of their partner. Being able to understand and control an amount of their lives, but not to the point of destroying any dreams. Unless it is destined to fail and the other can see it. Encouragement should be of great importance to the "couple". There might be faults, but sometimes they can't be helped. That's life, no one is perfect.
Now whether we begin the search with that in mind or find out half way through the search, could make things difficult, but it really makes no difference.

Trust is another thing, in the Pride and Prejudice story, Elizabeth's youngest sister, Lydia, is forced to marry the man she ran off with. Now Lydia will have to be stuck with a man who she will never be able to trust, unless she is so blind she does not see his disagreeable traits. Trust is not just grasped and can be let go of in a moments notice. If you trust someone, there should be no doubt or problems with what they do. Sure you can feel, uncomfortable, but what they do in the end is their choice (unless your their mother of course!).

Romance with a spark of mischief is also quite desirable, well for me anyways. (haha) You can always tell those types. They are quite humorous to watch, especially when they are trying to get your attention! Though, knowing myself, I might end up with just a romantic (hopefully at that).

Forgiveness is big one with me though. I hate, hate, hate the fact that no one forgives.I know it can be hard at moments, but really you know what it can do to relationships if you don't forgive. Sure they can blow over sometimes, but you keep that thought in your head it can bring very bitter thoughts in your mind. And you can use it to stab the person next time you see them and "fight" or whatever. It is quite vexing in the matter, forgiveness is a gift that should be freely given to everyone, whether they deserve it or not. Most people it takes them a long time to learn it. Myself included, but hopefully I am trying harder to stop the silliness.

Well I'm done talking of the matter, hopefully it brings understand to any person who reads it. And if it seems silly or bothers anyone, I'm sorry, those are just inclinations of a very silly 19 year old romantic girl.... =)

forgiveness for the fool

You know, sometimes the hardest way to learn you have a temper is to lose it... I learned I have a temper.... Now the question is how do I make it stop?

And another thing, why do people never forgive someone when they apologize? My mom always taught me when someone said their sorry, to forgive them, not to say "It's okay" or say nothing, but to say "I forgive you.". Especially if you meant it, or even if you didn't. Even ever I hear people "apologizing" I never hear a forgiven statement from the other. Whenever I lose my temper and say I'm sorry, I never, ever hear a "Erin, I forgive you." It's normally a.... "Next time do better". Then It's not really a forgiveness thing is it? If anyone does that, does it really count as "forgiveness"? God says we're supposed to forgive 490 times to just one person, so that means you shouldn't count how many times you have to forgive a person, correct? And should you forgive even if you don't feel like it? Oi, so many questions!

So, if you love someone, or want to be their friend, forgiveness is a virtue that should always be at the top level. It's not easy, but you know what? The more you get to know someone, the more you find their faults. Sometimes, others see more of them then others... But it is a real fact of life. People do dumb things, assume dumb things, twist dumb things, and hurt other peoples feelings. And it isn't easy at first, but once you begin to forgive people, it starts to make a difference... I know, I have a long way to go with forgiving people, but I honestly should start trying. Because we are made in God's image, and God gave us the bible to keep us in line. So forgiveness is a crucial in loving others. Whether it's our enemies, parents, siblings, family members, friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, wifes, and even the people you haven't met. Don't you think it's time to forgive?

Time flies by...

I remember when I first met you, your smile drew me in.
It seemed so fun to have you be the one that came around.
Everyday it seemed, that you would come around.
Slowly stealing my heart, I wish this could go on.
Now you slowly slip away, not coming around as much.
My heart is getting lonely. Is that too much to ask?
Where did you go, my love? Why are you slipping away?
Come back to me, my love, and let us get away.
-Unknown

My name is Inigo Montoya... you killed my father.

Guess what today is?! FATHER'S DAY!!! Well, today we went to church and then took my dad to lunch at the Airport cafe. We had a pleasant lunch (except for the screaming child in the background). My dad, right now, is sleeping before he has to go to work. He is working nights tonight. That's the only pic I could find of my dad... So yahh, Happy Father's day daddy! I love you!

Something horrible

There's a something horrible inside me.
Just tearing, wanting to get out.
It eats at me, clawing, angrily at my soul.
No matter how hard I try to ignore this jealously inside.
It makes me see that there's a reason that I hide.
My soul begs for mercy from the creature's dangerous glare.
I've been there, and done that, and see the pain it's caused.
It isn't fair to those who see it's ugly head.
So I hide the way I feel when I see the things I dislike.

My horrible experience...

Today I got my wisdom teeth out.... Ouch..... I got to the doctors and waited about an hour until they called me back... Then they put me in a chair and put sticky things on my chest and belly, so they could hear my heart beat. Then they took my blood pressure and made me use my inhaler before the "exciting" stuff happened... I had to take my hair out and put it in a blue fluffy hat. Then the doctor came in and put the IV in my hand. I didn't cry for once.

They then put a medicine in to make any swelling go down... boy did it hurt and itch.. i won't tell you where, but it was BAD. Then I sat there while they prepped me.... Then they put a needle in and I feel sleepy and BAM! I was out....

I woke up, my head hurt, my whole body hurt... It was so strange... My mind was working and fine, but my body was achy and I couldn't open my eyes and I couldn't talk (course I had gauze in my mouth), but i remember them picking me up and talking and then dragging me to the car..... being in the car, going home.... yahhh i have had a bad day today.... hopefully it gets better soon....

I miss him a lot..... I love you Zac!

bee attack!

Friday, May 29th, 2009: 10am *Erin's perspective*

My family went down the hill to my grandma's house. To cut down an old, old avocado tree. My mom (Patti), dad (Russ), little brother (Josh), uncle (Richard), great uncle (Bill), cousin (Tim), grandma (Barbara), and I were at her house. I didn't work on the tree because I was studying for a math final, but everyone else was outside, busily working on the tree. My mom and grandma came inside to get their stuff so they could return a chain saw that wasn't working. Shortly after they left, my brother came inside to cool off and get a drink. Now my dad and Uncle Richard were working on the tree itself, my Uncle was on a man lift cutting branches. While my GUB (or Great Uncle Bill) and cousin Tim were working in the back with a chipper to, obviously, chip the wood.

My brother and I went to the window in the kitchen to watch my dad and uncle work on the tree. When we noticed little bugs start to fly around his head. He looks at them and starts to lower the man lift, swatting the "bugs" away... It turns out those "bugs" were bees. Now, something you need to know is my uncle is deathly allergic to bees. Now continuing on, he starts to swat at them making them angry. So more and more start to come and sting him. The man lift stops and he calls out to my dad to help him. My dad runs to the man lift and desperately tries to get the lift down. Unfortunately, no one has told him how to work the lift so while this is happening, my dad and uncle are being attacked by very angry bees.

Now, I don't even know what I was thinking... I ran around the house madly, looking for a blanket to cover up my uncle when he got down. I found one and ran outside, only to be told to run and get my Uncle Bill. So I run to the other side of the house to get Uncle Bill, and my cousin Tim is with him. Of course the chipper is running, so they can't hear me. I run up all out of breath screaming, "Uncle Bill! Uncle Bill! Their being attacked by bees!" They don't understand me, later on my cousin told me he thought something was on fire, but they noticed a line of bees following me, so it clued them in on what was really happening. I finally notice the bees going and starting to attack me so I start to run. Again, a little side info, my grandma has a circular driveway, so I just ran up and down the backside of the driveway. As I am running, I'm screaming and crying, "Oh God, please make them stop!" It was difficult, also hearing the screams of my dad and uncle from the other side of the house. They eventually lost interest in me when I took the sweater off that I was wearing. I was stung twice on the back of my skull.

It is very hard to explain the fear. I was so scared and panicked, I cried with no tears... More like dry sobs. By then, my sensitive bronchial disease was catching up with me (its like asthma). I sat in the garage and cried and panted and coughed. When I went outside I saw my dad and uncle hosing themselves down, my Uncle Bill helping, and my cousin on the phone calling 911. I went up to my dad and helped him get the bees out of his hair and off his body. We took them to the garage and made them sit/lay down. Then my brother, cousin, and I went to the driveway to watch for the emergency crews.

When we spotted the firetrucks coming down the street, we waved them down and watched them from the inside of their trucks, putting on bee netting under their helmets. They eventually came out and looked around the house and over my uncle and dad. They then separated into two groups. Group one grabbed heart monitors and their emergency bags, and immediately starting looking after my dad and uncle. Group two went to the truck and started to hose down the tree, house, and vehicle near the hive, trying to calm down the bees. They then too a soap and washed down my uncle's truck, the man lift, and the driveway (I guess it was to calm the bees sense's).

I mostly watched Group one, they worked on my dad and uncle until the paramedics got there. I had to call my brother's teacher and tell her that my brother won't be able to come in, and then I called my sister (Becky) who was at home. I was fine at first, but then it was like a rain storm flooded over me... I got off the phone with my sister as my mom and grandma arrived from the trip. My brother had called them and said my uncle was the one stung, so they didn't even know my dad was just as bad. So my mom is shocked to see my dad being looked over by the firemen. The paramedics then bring to gurneys for my dad an uncle. My dad slowly gets up and has they whisk him away, he asks for pain medication. My uncle though, can't even stand, so the firemen have to help him on the gurney. My mom then comes over to me and hugs me, then noticing my breathing irregularities. She had one of the firemen look at me and unfortunately they didn't have an inhaler in the truck and I had forgotten mine at home.

So when we left to the hospital, I saw 3 firetrucks, 2 paramedics, and two police cars. The police cars were blocking the streets, they actually closed the whole street. My grandma's house is a four lane, very busy street and is a freeway entrance, so them closing it was something big.

In the end, my dad and uncle both had over 200+ bee stings each. They are both fine, except for some hive looking bumps on their body. I have two on the back of my head, which I am getting looked at tomorrow because they are HUGE and made my neck muscles to my shoulder muscles sore for a while, that and the glands in my neck are swollen still... So that isn't any fun, but everyone is fine now. Thank God for his protection. My dad said something that really bothered me, but it is so true. He said "Instead of having dinner with you now, you could be planning my funeral. " But praise God we aren't, you can't say that God doesn't work miracles!