How time does fly...

This might be called a narration of the year I had before. A recall of the year 2009, in the words of Erin, of her life, this year.

Even though I have the misfortune to be most forgetful, especially in my memories. I shall give my explanation, of those that I remember...

Well in January on the 20th, Barack Obama became president of the United States. On that same day, I had ankle surgery. It was a corrective surgery, my ankle grew wrong so they made it right again. When I went under, Bush was president. When I woke up, Obama was president. It was an interesting day. I had a cast for two weeks. Lets just say that those two weeks were the most difficult of the whole year. The week I got my cast off, I went to the ER because I woke up putting weight on my foot against the foot board of my bed. It pain was bad enough to make me lose sleep, even with my super pain medication. When I returned home, I had a fever/head cold/stomach flu... God bless the hospitals....

After that I was in physical therapy for a month. Then school started again. I finished my high school work on January 26, thus ending high school half a year early. I then started college as a college student, full time. It isn't as hard as high school, but it is a lot more work.

February 16th, Becky turned 21.

Then I was busy with school forever and ever... About May, is when terror attacked. Literally. My dad and uncle were attacked by bees. I was chased around my grandma's house by the bees. My dad and uncle were taken to the hospital in ambulances... It was one of the most terrifying times of my life....

May 20th, Josh turned 16.

Around that time I had a boyfriend, Zac. He was very kind to me, and I am thankful for that... Unfortunately, it didn't work out, and two months later we broke up.

In June I graduated from high school officially. It was such a ghetto graduation...There were so many gangs there, cheering for their little sisters who were graduating... My dad is paying my brother not to go to his graduation.

On August 12th, I turned 19 years old. My last year as a teenager...boo hoo.... My dad turned 52 on the same day. We had youth group over for my birthday. Honestly, it wasn't what I really wanted, but you must be happy with what you get....

School started again... Forever and ever... I had a drawing class that I learned soooo much from. It was grand.

Then in December, school ended and won't start again until next year!

On December 16th, my mom turned 50.

Christmas was great, it was a lot of fun even though it wasn't very eventful... Though that is fine with me!

Now I'm just waiting for the new year, my last year at the college! Then in the Fall I hopefully will transfer to Cal State... Hopefully.... =)

That is my recollection of 2009, there are lots of holes. I know. I am quite forgetful..... But that was my year, hopefully next year will be as eventful!

-Erin

Chapter 1 is always the best

Pride and Prejudice
by Jane Austen (<---- My favorite author)

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife. However little is known that feelings or views of such a man may be on his first entering a neighborhood, this truth is so well fixed in the minds of the surrounding families, the he is considered as the rightful property of some one or other of their daughters.

I would have to think.... Poor man, being property of some one or other of someone's daughters. Sad day. It still happens now-a-days, sadly. Hahahahaha.... I love this book. You should read it.

That dull pain that creeps up

I really hate being sick. Especially with the flu, just because of that dull pain that covers your whole body. This morning I woke up at 7:30 because the top teeth and gum's hurt for some reason, it was really strange. I was sick last week too, but I got whatever my brother got so not cool... Hopefully I get better by tomorrow because I have to present at school tomorrow. Blah.

Mamma Mia!

Here I go again..... Well today I give my first public speaking class speech... OMG. I am so nervous. My teacher told me that you need to turn your nervous energy into positive energy, but do you know how hard that is??? Geez, people I am not a machine, I cannot think like that... Got to go, working on the rest of my speech.... =O

ttfn

Jane Austen was always a favorite

I just watched the BBC version of Sense and Sensibility. And there was a remark that I took and quite ran with. "Why are men so difficult to understand? What are we to them? People or playthings?" (-Marianne)....

I concur with Marianne. What are woman to men? I guess to most we are people, but then to most we are playthings. Now I am not one of those women who get offended by men, I believe a man should be the head of the house and the "ruler of his house". It's just finding that guy who can "tame the beast". Because of my "strong-will" as my mother puts it, I am beginning to wonder if I could ever meet such a man. I've only found some pretty weak ones, and even at that I wonder if I was a person or a plaything to them. (I'm finding myself write on what I desire in a man) =)

I am quite inclined to find a man like Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice. Someone strong, but with the inclination to bring out the best in his partner. Any couple, engaged or married or even just together, if destined to be must have a "grasp" of their partner. Being able to understand and control an amount of their lives, but not to the point of destroying any dreams. Unless it is destined to fail and the other can see it. Encouragement should be of great importance to the "couple". There might be faults, but sometimes they can't be helped. That's life, no one is perfect.
Now whether we begin the search with that in mind or find out half way through the search, could make things difficult, but it really makes no difference.

Trust is another thing, in the Pride and Prejudice story, Elizabeth's youngest sister, Lydia, is forced to marry the man she ran off with. Now Lydia will have to be stuck with a man who she will never be able to trust, unless she is so blind she does not see his disagreeable traits. Trust is not just grasped and can be let go of in a moments notice. If you trust someone, there should be no doubt or problems with what they do. Sure you can feel, uncomfortable, but what they do in the end is their choice (unless your their mother of course!).

Romance with a spark of mischief is also quite desirable, well for me anyways. (haha) You can always tell those types. They are quite humorous to watch, especially when they are trying to get your attention! Though, knowing myself, I might end up with just a romantic (hopefully at that).

Forgiveness is big one with me though. I hate, hate, hate the fact that no one forgives.I know it can be hard at moments, but really you know what it can do to relationships if you don't forgive. Sure they can blow over sometimes, but you keep that thought in your head it can bring very bitter thoughts in your mind. And you can use it to stab the person next time you see them and "fight" or whatever. It is quite vexing in the matter, forgiveness is a gift that should be freely given to everyone, whether they deserve it or not. Most people it takes them a long time to learn it. Myself included, but hopefully I am trying harder to stop the silliness.

Well I'm done talking of the matter, hopefully it brings understand to any person who reads it. And if it seems silly or bothers anyone, I'm sorry, those are just inclinations of a very silly 19 year old romantic girl.... =)

forgiveness for the fool

You know, sometimes the hardest way to learn you have a temper is to lose it... I learned I have a temper.... Now the question is how do I make it stop?

And another thing, why do people never forgive someone when they apologize? My mom always taught me when someone said their sorry, to forgive them, not to say "It's okay" or say nothing, but to say "I forgive you.". Especially if you meant it, or even if you didn't. Even ever I hear people "apologizing" I never hear a forgiven statement from the other. Whenever I lose my temper and say I'm sorry, I never, ever hear a "Erin, I forgive you." It's normally a.... "Next time do better". Then It's not really a forgiveness thing is it? If anyone does that, does it really count as "forgiveness"? God says we're supposed to forgive 490 times to just one person, so that means you shouldn't count how many times you have to forgive a person, correct? And should you forgive even if you don't feel like it? Oi, so many questions!

So, if you love someone, or want to be their friend, forgiveness is a virtue that should always be at the top level. It's not easy, but you know what? The more you get to know someone, the more you find their faults. Sometimes, others see more of them then others... But it is a real fact of life. People do dumb things, assume dumb things, twist dumb things, and hurt other peoples feelings. And it isn't easy at first, but once you begin to forgive people, it starts to make a difference... I know, I have a long way to go with forgiving people, but I honestly should start trying. Because we are made in God's image, and God gave us the bible to keep us in line. So forgiveness is a crucial in loving others. Whether it's our enemies, parents, siblings, family members, friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, wifes, and even the people you haven't met. Don't you think it's time to forgive?

Time flies by...

I remember when I first met you, your smile drew me in.
It seemed so fun to have you be the one that came around.
Everyday it seemed, that you would come around.
Slowly stealing my heart, I wish this could go on.
Now you slowly slip away, not coming around as much.
My heart is getting lonely. Is that too much to ask?
Where did you go, my love? Why are you slipping away?
Come back to me, my love, and let us get away.
-Unknown

My name is Inigo Montoya... you killed my father.

Guess what today is?! FATHER'S DAY!!! Well, today we went to church and then took my dad to lunch at the Airport cafe. We had a pleasant lunch (except for the screaming child in the background). My dad, right now, is sleeping before he has to go to work. He is working nights tonight. That's the only pic I could find of my dad... So yahh, Happy Father's day daddy! I love you!

Something horrible

There's a something horrible inside me.
Just tearing, wanting to get out.
It eats at me, clawing, angrily at my soul.
No matter how hard I try to ignore this jealously inside.
It makes me see that there's a reason that I hide.
My soul begs for mercy from the creature's dangerous glare.
I've been there, and done that, and see the pain it's caused.
It isn't fair to those who see it's ugly head.
So I hide the way I feel when I see the things I dislike.

My horrible experience...

Today I got my wisdom teeth out.... Ouch..... I got to the doctors and waited about an hour until they called me back... Then they put me in a chair and put sticky things on my chest and belly, so they could hear my heart beat. Then they took my blood pressure and made me use my inhaler before the "exciting" stuff happened... I had to take my hair out and put it in a blue fluffy hat. Then the doctor came in and put the IV in my hand. I didn't cry for once.

They then put a medicine in to make any swelling go down... boy did it hurt and itch.. i won't tell you where, but it was BAD. Then I sat there while they prepped me.... Then they put a needle in and I feel sleepy and BAM! I was out....

I woke up, my head hurt, my whole body hurt... It was so strange... My mind was working and fine, but my body was achy and I couldn't open my eyes and I couldn't talk (course I had gauze in my mouth), but i remember them picking me up and talking and then dragging me to the car..... being in the car, going home.... yahhh i have had a bad day today.... hopefully it gets better soon....

I miss him a lot..... I love you Zac!

bee attack!

Friday, May 29th, 2009: 10am *Erin's perspective*

My family went down the hill to my grandma's house. To cut down an old, old avocado tree. My mom (Patti), dad (Russ), little brother (Josh), uncle (Richard), great uncle (Bill), cousin (Tim), grandma (Barbara), and I were at her house. I didn't work on the tree because I was studying for a math final, but everyone else was outside, busily working on the tree. My mom and grandma came inside to get their stuff so they could return a chain saw that wasn't working. Shortly after they left, my brother came inside to cool off and get a drink. Now my dad and Uncle Richard were working on the tree itself, my Uncle was on a man lift cutting branches. While my GUB (or Great Uncle Bill) and cousin Tim were working in the back with a chipper to, obviously, chip the wood.

My brother and I went to the window in the kitchen to watch my dad and uncle work on the tree. When we noticed little bugs start to fly around his head. He looks at them and starts to lower the man lift, swatting the "bugs" away... It turns out those "bugs" were bees. Now, something you need to know is my uncle is deathly allergic to bees. Now continuing on, he starts to swat at them making them angry. So more and more start to come and sting him. The man lift stops and he calls out to my dad to help him. My dad runs to the man lift and desperately tries to get the lift down. Unfortunately, no one has told him how to work the lift so while this is happening, my dad and uncle are being attacked by very angry bees.

Now, I don't even know what I was thinking... I ran around the house madly, looking for a blanket to cover up my uncle when he got down. I found one and ran outside, only to be told to run and get my Uncle Bill. So I run to the other side of the house to get Uncle Bill, and my cousin Tim is with him. Of course the chipper is running, so they can't hear me. I run up all out of breath screaming, "Uncle Bill! Uncle Bill! Their being attacked by bees!" They don't understand me, later on my cousin told me he thought something was on fire, but they noticed a line of bees following me, so it clued them in on what was really happening. I finally notice the bees going and starting to attack me so I start to run. Again, a little side info, my grandma has a circular driveway, so I just ran up and down the backside of the driveway. As I am running, I'm screaming and crying, "Oh God, please make them stop!" It was difficult, also hearing the screams of my dad and uncle from the other side of the house. They eventually lost interest in me when I took the sweater off that I was wearing. I was stung twice on the back of my skull.

It is very hard to explain the fear. I was so scared and panicked, I cried with no tears... More like dry sobs. By then, my sensitive bronchial disease was catching up with me (its like asthma). I sat in the garage and cried and panted and coughed. When I went outside I saw my dad and uncle hosing themselves down, my Uncle Bill helping, and my cousin on the phone calling 911. I went up to my dad and helped him get the bees out of his hair and off his body. We took them to the garage and made them sit/lay down. Then my brother, cousin, and I went to the driveway to watch for the emergency crews.

When we spotted the firetrucks coming down the street, we waved them down and watched them from the inside of their trucks, putting on bee netting under their helmets. They eventually came out and looked around the house and over my uncle and dad. They then separated into two groups. Group one grabbed heart monitors and their emergency bags, and immediately starting looking after my dad and uncle. Group two went to the truck and started to hose down the tree, house, and vehicle near the hive, trying to calm down the bees. They then too a soap and washed down my uncle's truck, the man lift, and the driveway (I guess it was to calm the bees sense's).

I mostly watched Group one, they worked on my dad and uncle until the paramedics got there. I had to call my brother's teacher and tell her that my brother won't be able to come in, and then I called my sister (Becky) who was at home. I was fine at first, but then it was like a rain storm flooded over me... I got off the phone with my sister as my mom and grandma arrived from the trip. My brother had called them and said my uncle was the one stung, so they didn't even know my dad was just as bad. So my mom is shocked to see my dad being looked over by the firemen. The paramedics then bring to gurneys for my dad an uncle. My dad slowly gets up and has they whisk him away, he asks for pain medication. My uncle though, can't even stand, so the firemen have to help him on the gurney. My mom then comes over to me and hugs me, then noticing my breathing irregularities. She had one of the firemen look at me and unfortunately they didn't have an inhaler in the truck and I had forgotten mine at home.

So when we left to the hospital, I saw 3 firetrucks, 2 paramedics, and two police cars. The police cars were blocking the streets, they actually closed the whole street. My grandma's house is a four lane, very busy street and is a freeway entrance, so them closing it was something big.

In the end, my dad and uncle both had over 200+ bee stings each. They are both fine, except for some hive looking bumps on their body. I have two on the back of my head, which I am getting looked at tomorrow because they are HUGE and made my neck muscles to my shoulder muscles sore for a while, that and the glands in my neck are swollen still... So that isn't any fun, but everyone is fine now. Thank God for his protection. My dad said something that really bothered me, but it is so true. He said "Instead of having dinner with you now, you could be planning my funeral. " But praise God we aren't, you can't say that God doesn't work miracles!

Starting Over

Well it happened! I went to see him at his "first" day of work. He looked so cute sitting on the lifeguard stand... I waited for about an hour and a half before he had moved to a chair by gate close enough where I could talk to him. I called his name, I've never seen a face so surprised... pleasantly surprised. He couldn't talk to me for long though, or else get in trouble. So I waited another half hour or so, then when he got out we walked to his car and he officially asked me to be his girlfriend! *gasp* I'm so happy! He then came to my house and hung out with me for a while.... This day truly has had its ups and downs!

April showers, May flowers and pretty stuff!

May. The last month of school for most schools, birthday's, and just fun times. I love this time of year, it's starting to get warm and it's just so beautiful outside. People are so open-minded and relaxed... Most of the time anyways. You can open windows and let the stuffy, old winter air out and the warm air of spring and eventually summer in... Then there's the fun of water fights and just having a blast with your friends; water fights, movies, popsicles, surviving the summer heat and then some. Then if you find that one person you want to spend the time with... It just might make the perfect summer!

Last Day of April 2009

In 25 minutes it will be May 1st, 2009.... Hard to believe it. In 20 days and some hours my baby brother will turn 16. It will be summer break soon, and I will graduate at the end of the month... Hard to believe....

2009 think back:
January: New year, finished high school work
February: Becky's 21st birthday, (Valentine's Day... fav. holiday)
March: Started as a full-time college student
April: Surviving as a full-time college student

2009 look forward to:
May: Josh's 16th birthday!!!
June: Graduation from high school, signing up for CSU-SB
July: Summer!
August: Daddy's 52st birthday and my 19th birthday
September: Start final semester of VVC
October: Halloween? Idk, school
November: Thanksgiving, school
December: Mommy's 50th birthday, Transfering to CSU-SB, Christmas... hehe


That's what I have to look forward to this year!

Now I don't know if there will be anything good in between those years, but I am praying that there is!

Following shadows

Have you ever thought you were doing the right thing, living the right life, giving the right things? Have you ever thought that and then had everything turned upside down, everything you thought was right, is made to look like it is wrong? The road you once followed now has a bend and narrow path that you never seemed to notice before. Then someone who has been on that road, shows up and says, "Have you ever thought to wander from the norm?". Then you get that taste of freedom for the first time... Such a happiness, bliss... Then you go back on the old path for the sake of "others", and there is that longing.... Longing for that freedom and that happiness, but you don't know if you can return to that happiness without hurting the "others". Which path would you choose?

Haiku's

These are some haiku's I wrote:

Going through the jungle deep
I suddenly see a tiger jump me
I woke from my dream

Walking down the lonely pier
I see a couple sitting near me
Secretly I am truly jealous

Cookies are good and sweet
They are always enjoyable to the taste
Willing and able to please


<3

Wind blowing on my face

Is it possible to be in love with a place? The ocean is a place I could stay near or by, but it's hard because I love Hesperia. I know that sounds crazy, most people say they can't wait to get away from the desert, but I love it here. I grew up in this place, my friends are here, my family, my home..... But, when ever I go to the ocean, I feel so at peace.... It is hard to explain. I love my home, but I feel at home near the ocean... It's weird.

My brother's dog, Cody, is sitting in my arms. Do you know how hard it is to type with a little dog in your arms? Very.

ttfn

True love waits

The one I love,
He'd give it all for me.
The one who cares,
He'd be happy with who I am.
The one who will sweep me off my feet,
He'll be the I give my heart to.
The one, the only, everlasting love.

~Erin Bryan

Fun quotes

Guys (or girls) are like jeans, you have to try on a bunch before you find the perfect pair that fits you perfectly and look great!
~Erin Bryan

I'm not crazy... I'm insanely awesome!
~Erin Bryan

"Oh, but if he seems happy, I will know that he's decided to marry Harriet, and I will not, I know I will not be able to let him tell me. But if he seems sad, I'll know that John has advised him against it. I love John! Or he may seem sad because he fears telling me he will marry my friend. How can John let him do that? I hate John! " ~Emma (The movie... you know?)

Billy Black: I'm down with the kids.
Charlie Swan: [sarcastically] Oh yeah, you're the bomb.
~Twilight

"Only the Truest love can ever persuade me into matrimony,.. that is why I am convinced I shall end an Old Maid..."
~ Elizabeth Bennett (Pride and Prejudice)

Faith... is the art of holding on to things your reason once accepted, despite your changing moods.
~C. S. Lewis

God cannot give us a happiness and peace apart from Himself, because it is not there. There is no such thing.
~C. S. Lewis

"There is only on relationship that matters, and that is your personal relationship to a personal redeemer and Lord. Let everything else go, but maintain that at all costs, and God will fulfill His purpose through your life."
~Oswald Chambers


"He gave her 12 roses, 11 real and 1 fake. When he gave them to her, he told her, "I will love you until the last rose dies"." ♥

el gato es muy loco (if that is right?)

Well, I'm re-learning the Spanish language. My neighbor who goes to my church is helping me, she is just talking in Spanish to me whenever I am around. Its funny because I don't understand a word of what she is saying, but that's what makes it fun! <3 Anyway, my spring break was amazing! I didn't even have to worry about school, even though it brings more stress now that I have to. That and I had a lovely time with a new friend and even met a new family I didn't know before.

Anywho, it is almost 1am and I have to be up by 7am, so I am going to sleep now.

Adios!

ttfn

I feel slightly dumb

Well, this morning was the morning for my wisdom teeth to be removed.... But for some reason, I was hungry before I left so I ate a roll. I remembered that they said "Do not eat 6 hours before the surgery"... I was like.... Crap..... My brother had a appointment for his braces anyway, so it wasn't a total waste of our time, but I am tired and grouchy and upset with my stupidity. Ugh, I can't believe I did that!!! I really am an idiot! Well, I am sick too, that's another reason I couldn't go, but I'm almost better! I wish I could have gone to the beach too...... Oh well, life isn't supposed to go my way 100% so I guess I'll have to live with 25%.... SLEEP!!!!! =D Yayness!

I also have to save up for a new camera too.... Which is hard because I don't have a job. Then my mom says I can't get one, while my dad says go for it.... So I don't know what to do.... I'm missing part of my being... My creative soul is zilch without photography. That's were I get most of my painting ideas. That it's portable art! *sigh* I'll have to see. Anyway, I need some sleep, I am very upset with myself so I'm taking a nap!

ttfn

Sad day

My camera is broken.... I am depressed.

Calling it quits

Dreaming.
Taking chances.
Hurting.
Falling.
Getting back up.
Creating.
Believing.
Praying.
Leading.
Following.
Seeing.
Smelling.
Listening.
Breathing.
Tasting.
Looking.
Touching.
Learning.
Falling.
Getting back up.
Crying.
Laughing.
Forgetting.
Remembering.
Loving.
Liking.
Caring.
Sleeping.
Becoming.
Developing.
Open.
Closed.
Doing.
Falling.
Getting back up.
LIVING......

This is real. This is me. Not you. Not your brother. Not your roommate. Not a stranger. Just me. Don't change me, unless it's unconsciously done. I would appreciate that. Thank you.

The horror, the pink, fluffy horror!

Today I went to the dentist. Arg, I no likey the dentist. He inflicts pain and tries to be your friend. Bad combination.... I also get my wisdom teeth out on Monday. They say that I should be fine and that the teeth are all wonderful and not compacted (whatever that means?). They also told me that I have to get an IV.... I think my heart stopped when they said that. My mom thought I was quiet before when I lost my voice? Nope, I've had an IV before, not pretty! I didn't get a bruise, but its the thought of a needle sitting under my skin! That's the weird, scary part. Anyway, I should be doing homework.... Like I need it. I kills trees.

later
ttfn

What a day!

Today, I had a lot of fun! Went to school, got some lunch, hung out with Tim and adventured around the college, and just had a blast altogether. I must say, I've never had as much fun at that college before as I had today. Climbing down the death defying hill by the Art Building, then trying not to fall in the lake... Or be pushed (haha).

I can't wait until Thursday, last day of school before Spring Break! Woohoo! I can't wait for a break... Then I can do fun stuff, like, sleep.... Nothing else I really do? Hmmm... I need a hobby. Maybe I'll go to the beach! That would be cool.... I'm rambling.... Wow... Anyway, I should probably get ready to go to bible study. Important topic tonight: Sexual Immorality. I couldn't answer very many of the questions, but it had good suggestions! That I will follow! Anywho, later!

ttfn

Sleepless...

For some reason, I haven't been sleeping well. I've been waking up every hour to every half an hour for weeks now. I swear, this last week I've gotten 15 hours of sleep in 4 days. I know that sounds moderate, but that's strange for me. I've been told its stress, but when I wake up my mind isn't busy. Just awake. So tonight I'm going to cut off caffeine and read some scripture before bed. Maybe that will help, hopefully.

I act weird when I'm tired... All hyper like... Its crazy, then I get grouchy. Its a bad day (or week) when it happens. I don't like being tired. It really sucks, always having heavy eye lids and aching head.... I would not suggest it.

Tomorrow is April Fool's Day... Well in 10 minutes it will be April Fool's day, normally I don't do anything because my mom gets upset, but I was thinking about dressing emo for high school... oh wait. I already do that. hehehe.... I'm tired. Good night all!

ttfn

mockery: serious business

Sometimes I don't know what is truly "bad", until you get up close and personal. I left my grandma's house with my mom today, and as we left we watched my grandma fall over backwards in her driveway. It was scary! We turned around and drove back to see if she was okay, which she was, but it still scared the Dickens out of us. Things like that get the blood and adrenaline flowing. After we left the second time, I turned to my mom and begged, "Don't ever do anything like that to me!"

I think tomorrow I'm going to go to The Grind and do homework. Just to take a friends advice (you know who you are!). I have a lot of math homework to do... and a paper to write, and sketches to finish. Blah... Oh well, at least I'm keeping busy.

I was thinking about popping a movie in for some back ground sounds... Got to work on a paper. Later!

ttfn

Left behind again

I hate being with my friends... and their boyfriend or girlfriend. I'm normally the only one without a significant other. It is so embarrassing and uncomfortable... There are so many guys out there, its just hard finding the right one? I hate being single. I'd rather not be, but God's timing is different then mine. Sometimes I wish it wasn't in certain ways.... But that's me being selfish. Agh, its just so difficult. God give me strength to endure all things.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8a

Purposed filled life

I know, not everyone agrees with anyone on everything, but I hate being told I'm wrong.... It is so horrible, I know, but its hard for me to say, "I'm wrong". If I know I'm truly wrong, then I will apologize, but I have the tiny bit of a chance of being right I stick with it. Just had to get that out.

Today is a concert that I am going to. I am, well, excited I guess? I mean, its not a BIG deal. I love music, so it is an adventure. I have to ditch a class though to go.... So I mean, its not a BIG deal there either.... I'm so bad, this is the first class I've ever ditched in my two years of college. hehehe....

I'm not looking forward to my math class, my professor makes us go through out tests (that he hasn't organized at all) to find our tests. Last time, my class starts at 1:30, so when everyone had got their tests and we started, it was 2:30. The class is supposed to get out at 3:10 so we had a short lesson. I always thought professors were supposed to be organized.... I guess not?

The one thing I don't like about college is that there never seems to be enough time for "me" time. I have been trying to read the book, Emma by Jane Austen for about a week now. I'm on chapter 2. Maybe if I actually did my homework, instead of sleeping or cleaning.... That would work. I should to laundry too, but you know, homework is due in two days so got to get to work!

That's what I should be doing now... I guess.... hehe... later!

Love Story

We were both young when I first saw you
I close my eyes
And the flashback starts
I'm standing there
On a balcony in summer air

See the lights
See the party, the ball gowns
I see you make your way through the crowd
And say hello, little did I know

That you were Romeo, you were throwing pebbles
And my daddy said stay away from Juliet
And I was crying on the staircase
Begging you please don't go, and I said

Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone
I'll be waiting all there's left to do is run
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story baby just say yes

So I sneak out to the garden to see you
We keep quiet 'cause we're dead if they knew
So close your eyes
Escape this town for a little while

'Cause you were Romeo, I was a scarlet letter
And my daddy said stay away from Juliet
But you were everything to me
I was begging you please don't go and I said

Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone
I'll be waiting all there's left to do is run
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story baby just say yes

Romeo save me, they try to tell me how to feel
This love is difficult, but it's real
Don't be afraid, we'll make it out of this mess
It's a love story baby just say yes
Oh oh

I got tired of waiting
Wondering if you were ever coming around
My faith in you is fading
When I met you on the outskirts of town, and I said

Romeo save me I've been feeling so alone
I keep waiting for you but you never come
Is this in my head? I don't know what to think
He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring

And said, marry me Juliet
You'll never have to be alone
I love you and that's all I really know
I talked to your dad, go pick out a white dress
It's a love story baby just say yes

Oh, oh, oh, oh
'Cause we were both young when I first saw you

-Taylor Swift

Pink petals fall on my face

You know when spring has come when they say, "its time to set your clocks forward," or "Spring is sprung!", and that's true. I know a different way of telling, colors start to emerge from what once was cold and broken. I can see from where I'm sitting, beautiful, blooming, pink, plum blossoms. I told my mom when I was younger, I used to go out to the tree in full bloom and shake it to where the petals would fall down on top of me. I'm looking forward to doing it again this year.

Today, my parents are leaving for San Diego, and then Friday morning my siblings and I are leaving to go with them (After my physical therapy appointment). I'm excited! I can't wait to go! I love to get away, but in the end, there's not place like home. I love to get away and see God's creation. Especially because of all the rain, it is going to be beautiful! I can't wait!

I have classes tomorrow, but since tomorrow it the Farmer's market, I look forward to going. My sister and I go and like to look around. We plan on getting some honey that is made locally. It is so delicious! Tastes kind of like marshmallow fluff, only more natural. This week is going good so far. God is truly blessing me and my family.

Angry in so many ways....

How can one person bring on so many unreasonable and strange emotions? It is inconceivable and vexing, it is so difficult to understand. Just like the song "Simple and Clean", that is how I feel. Guys can create such feelings that make my emotions go crazy, especially when there might be hope in it. I was telling my mom I couldn't wait to get married, so I won't have to worry about finding someone. I hate being single, it is so difficult, especially when you see someone you know being so happy with their boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife. It doesn't seem very fair, but I know my time will come someday.... Eventually.... The hard part of finding someone is that the scary guys normally like me, like weird, dark guys... Its weird. But then when I actually find someone who I like, they either think of me as a "little girl", or just don't even care. It's so hard on me, emotionally, its just because I can't even find a person who cares enough for me to at least try for me... Is that so hard to ask for?

"Just for once, I want someone to be afraid of losing me."

Tear drops

Ugh! I am so mad! So much for thinking good things, trying to be a friend, trying.... It hurts, rejection. I've had my share of it. More then once, I hate it. Has anyone ever noticed that when someone gets angry at you, you normally get mad yourself? Or maybe that's just me. I hate being angry. Being an emotional person, you don't want to see me angry. I lash out and then cry, draining me emotionally. Oh, I am sooo mad! God, why?!

Sonnet 116

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose Worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come;
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom:
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.
–William Shakespeare

Adult? When did it start? And how do I make it stop?

Today, I looked into getting a job. Its a little coffee/dessert/breakfast/lunch shop. It is too cute! Its called "Bodacious Bundts". It would be my first really job, so I'm excited! I know I probably won't be paid a lot, but it would be a lot of fun... Hopefully.... I also got off of my crutches and cane, and can walk and drive! Yay! My mother is quite ecstatic. The sad thing about having a job though is not being able to do fun things went people plan them... Oh well, that's life right? I always knew being an adult would be hard, but not this hard. I was talking to my mom earlier, we were talkinga bout growing up.

My mom was talking about how it seems that we're all growing up so fast. My sister is 21, almost finished with school and has a job. My brother is turning 16 and a sophmore in high school and freshman in college. I am 18 and newly graduated from high school (finally!) and a junior in college. Even though it seems like as my siblings and I get older, bad things happen to us. Becky, when she turned 11, was told she has a wheat allergy, and now it seems to be spreading to dairy products too (not the same reaction though). My brother is having problems with his heart, it is too small and one of the chambers in his heart isn't working right when he is resting, that and he passes out for no reasons. I am allergic to sodium nitrates (persurvitives in meat, mostly pork, like hot dogs or bacon. Can't have them, give me bad stomach aches.) That and breathing problems, and my foot surgery and heeling process (haha! Get it "Heel"ing process.. haha... ah never mind.)

I thought I would put a little bit of randomness on this, so like on Facebook. 10 random things about me!

1. I am majoring in Art History.
2. I love traveling.
3. I hate cats.. yet I own one.
4. I've never had a real job.
5. I am semi organized
6. I believe that Jesus is the only way to heaven.
7. I pray every night for my future husband.
8. I am a right brained, artistic person.
9. I am a very romantic person.
10. I believe life begins at conseption.

That's it... I was bored so I thought I would write... So yah.

ttfn!

What's wrong with me?

I have never been so hurt in my life. Well, obviously, that's not true there have been worse moments in my life, but this has my day pretty much done. I can't stop crying, my heart hurts. And I know its none of my business.... I have no say in the matter, but before there was a hope. I know God works in mysterious ways, and I trust Him, but I just don't understand? Why was this person brought into my life? Its obvious that there is nothing I can do... other then pray. Now I can't even be with the person. God, why did you make me this way?! I don't want to be angry with God, but... I just don't understand.... I am a pitiful, emotional human girl compared to God. I know that everything will be fine with God's time, but... Why is it hurting me so much?

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path." Proverbs 3:5-6

Call it what you want!

Today is a bad reading day for me... I've been have continuous Dyslexic moments, even though I have trained my brain against the dyslexia, I have days. If any of you that see this don't know by now, I am highly dyslexic. I mix up letters and numbers and words. I was reading my blog and saw instead of 2009, I saw 2006. I haven't been doing this blog that long!? Then I keep writing "my" instead of "me".... It is difficult. The sad thing is that dyslexia is hereditary, so any of my future children could have it. My mom gave it to me. I didn't speak until I was about 5, that was a sign of the dyslexia. I always thought it was funny, my older sister learned to read books like Nancy Drew and the Lord of the Rings series when she was 4. I didn't read Dr. Suess until I was about 6 to 7. Now people wish I would stop talking and I love books. Well, romantic books.... *sigh*

ttfn

Life before death.. and taxes.

Well, this morning in my Art History class, I got a text from my mom saying that a gentleman that goes to my church died. I didn't really know him that well, but still, its always hard to think that a person who I knew walked, talked and breathed... Is gone. Now I know he's not gone, just from his earthly home. I know he's with his heavenly Father, no more pain, no more fear, just being with God. How wonderful does that sound?

I have a math test today, that I am supposed to be studying for. Ever notice that studying is "student" and "dying" put together? I got that from a flair. I also have ladies bible study tonight and I haven't even started it.... I'm gonna get in trouble again.

Does it seem like on bad days that the bad stuff seems to keep coming? Here is my list of bad things happening in my day.
1. Ward died.
2. I have a math test.
3. I'm not done with the homework due.
4. I'm not done with my bible study
5. I can't get a certain person out of my head.
6. I can't stop thinking about my future.
7. I forgot about my Health class... its online.
8. I Still can't get a certain person out of my head.
9. My sister's cat hates me because I went crazy white girl on her... funny story.
10. I want to say yes when I had to say no....

Today is a bad day, but its nice knowing that God is there for us in the end (and all the time!). Its comforting. Now, I'm home alone, so I need some coffee... ugh... so tired. long day ahead of me too. Oh well.

During my art history class, I wrote down a list of places I want to go in the future. I just thought I would write them down.

1. England (to see Stonehenge and the cities)
2. Eygpt (pyramids/ sphinx/ and the tombs)
3. Ireland (just for my own profit)
4. France (Cave paintings and Eiffel Tower)
5. Spain (Cave paintings and own benefit)
6. Japan (Just cuz)

In state:
1. New York
2. Ohio (Relatives live there and to see the Amish)
3. Northern California
4. 4 corners (Arizona, California, Nevada, and New Mexico.. I think?)
5. The Lincoln Memorial... Not sure where that is.

But that is a list of places I want to go, a lot I know, but I love traveling. But you know what they always say, "There's no place like home!"

ttfn <3

so hard..

Its so hard. I hate being single, just because I don't have that someone that can listen to me and for me to be there for. There is a guy I like, but its that moment of "I don't know if he cares". This really stinks. Anyway, I needed to vent. In this short way.

Cooties!

I remember the days when boys simply had cooties. No problems and no questions asked, but that is all changed now. The thought about boys (especially "certain" boys) makes my heart beat wildly. I know that probably the majority of my readers are boys, and that's fine. I just don't understand "men", and I know I'm not supposed to. It's just so difficult to grasp that there is one out there for me?

My parents have been telling me to want certain things in a guy, so that I'll know who he might be someday, but the truth is I don't really know. I know for certain that he has to be a Godly, loving man who can take care of a house, but after that I'm not sure. I know he has to be older then me because of a past experience, and has to love me too, same experience. In my life, I've only had one boyfriend and have been very, very badly burned from it. It really stinks because I gave away my first kiss to a guy who didn't care about me, and that hurts me still.

Every girl looks forward to getting married, but there's a problem in finding "Mr. Right". I guess I should think about what I want in a guy, but every guy is so different and what if I pass him by because he isn't what I "want". Maybe I'm over thinking the subject, but I don't what to let my expectations get in the way of what I really need. I want to be like Elizabet Bennet and have a Mr. Darcy to come and slowly fall in love with. My parents dated for 2 weeks when they became engaged, but they waited a year before getting married and my dad's father was dying when he asked her. People scoff at that now, but my parents have been married for 27 going on 28 years this April. It's hard to believe, but it's true.

I know when I find someone, I want to be very sure with God that he is the one for me. I don't want to make the same mistake twice. I know God will show me "Mr. Right" or I might even know him now! But I'll be waiting, and I can't wait.

ttfn <3

Green team- The Knights who say Ni!

Well, the 30 hour famine was a success! We raised over $1200 with only 18 kids! Praise God! I could not believe it when I heard it. God is amazing and wonderful!

So in the beginning we were divided into "tribes". I was on the green team (which happens to be my favorite color!). My team consisted of all boys, except for me, who are Josh(my brother), Angel and Adam(my neighbors down the street), one of the new boys Gage, and Sam Kirk. I was appointed their "chief". Our team was called, "The knights who say Ni!" and I was the Black Knight, or as it was written on my mask, "the blak night" (Now I can tease Adam on how he got into Jr. High!). Anyway, we played games all night (which I couldn't play because of my foot >P), but the one that I could play was Sardines. Oh, I love that game. Though it often gave it away when the "cripple" or "gimp" would disappear, blasted crutch. But Sardines at about midnight, in a huge church, and with the lights out making it pitch black.... Imagine it. It was funny when I would be standing there and turn around and scare the dickens out of someone.

Then we watched a movie Hoodwinked (Even though I fell asleep at the beginning of the movie =). ) When we got up at about 8, we got ready and played kick ball... Well I didn't.... >( Oh well ,but Team 1 won! Then we got inside and they told us we were going to go around the neighborhood and ask the neighbors for canned foods that we could take to the rescue mission that afternoon. It was surprising how much we got for that too! God is good all the time! It was scary going up to people's homes and asking for canned foods, but it was worth it!

Later on we delivered food to a family in our church that needed food and then to the rescue mission. When we got back from that... Lets just say we all crashed. It felt good to rest my head and tired body. We rested and played bored games and video games, and watched "VeggieTales", or even slept. It was fun. But then we all cleaned up the church and they sat us down and told us what we raised. Over $1200! I still can't believe it! Not even everyone was trying very hard! I mean, our goal was $500. God took our request and doubled it! It is still amazing that it happened! I am sooooo happy!

Then we got our group photo done and waited for the food. I must say, it was strange to eat again after 30 hours. I know that sounds strange, but after I ate, my stomach hurt. Its still a little weirded out, but I know I'll be fine.

In the end we cleaned up our food mess and anything else that needed done. We said our good-byes and left. I got a beautiful green scarf and glow stick bracelet, which will be by my bed tonight, but I believe that my God is so amazing in giving His people what they need! Praise God! He gives us so much more then we deserve! Ah! Its so hard to explain this feeling of contentment and joy in my heart! The people who need our help to take care of them are getting so much! Praise God! Praise God! I am so happy! Its just not enough to write it, but explaining it is difficult. If anyone has ever felt this feeling, it is so overpowering!

Well, I am exhausted and so grateful for everything. If you've read this, I hope I spread some of that joy, in just a little way or in a big way! Talk to me on facebook if you want or feel like it! I'm on a lot... sadly... Why do homework when there's Facebook? Hehe! Anyway....

ttfn
(thank you Tim, now that is going to be stuck on me)
<3

Will Starve for Food

It is a strange quote, isn't it? Well, yes, today is the 30 Hour Famine. If you don't know what that is, it is a time when my church youth group will get together for about 24 hours (the actual fast part starts at noon while people are at school) and playing games, doing bible studies, and just having fun together! I'm excited because I learned that 2 of my friends are coming from Biola to join us! Yayness! I can't wait.

But it really is a sad reason for this fast. 26,000 children, ages 5 and under, die everyday, worldwide. It takes 30 days for the body to shut down from lack of nutrition and food.

One of things we're doing for the famine is raising money to help these children. I myself have raised $250, though I gave most of it to my brother. Its amazing how much people will give, even through this economic time of trouble.

There is also a family in our church that is having trouble feeding their family. They have two little girls and another one on the way. I felt lead to help them, so we're giving them gift cards so they can get food. I hope that God blesses them so much!

I'm looking forward to see all the kids in our youth group learn something from this. Not only will it bring us closer together as friends, but it will hopefully bring us closer to God. That is what I am looking forward to! God gave us the chance to do this, so I hope we all learn something from it! Praise God for giving us this chance!

In half an hour I will have to stop eating, that means I much "Starve for food". Let the fast, learning, and pain begin! <--- I meant that in a good way! <3


ttfn!

Is it true?

Is it true that penguins can't fly? Or just lack the imagination? I don't know, but sometimes I wish I was a penguin. They are so brave to live in such a harsh climate and be such good swimmers, makes up for their lack of flying.

Anyway, to get away from my random moment. I went to school today (Could I be anymore blunt?), but I went to my Art History class at 8 in the morning and normally this wouldn't really bother me. Except the door kept sticking. Now the handicapped table is right next to the door, now its not right next to it. It's at least a yard away, so because of my ankle it would take me a few seconds to get there. So when the door sticks and the door knob is turning with a student struggling to get inside their class (that they are obviously late for). So anyway, I have to tear myself away from the amazing video on the Lascaux Cave paintings, but by the time I got up to open the door. It would open, they would walk in, and I would have to hobble back to my seat... Bitterly. I did this about 5 times before the teacher sat by the door and opened it for the late people.

Now, my math class.... Oh, math! The horrible essence of life that we all depend on (if this doesn't make sense in the morning I'm done). My teacher is 50 some years old. He thinks he is hilarious, what I mean by that is that he will say something and just start cracking up where he can't even speak.... I guess some people feel sorry that he is laughing by himself because they nervously join in. "Maybe if I join in he'll give me a good grade!" I just shake my head and wish he would go on with the lesson.

My Design 1 class...... Now understand that I don't hate these teachers or students, just writing about their quirks. But, my Art 112 teacher is about 24 years old and quite the talker. The last class I went to (because class has been canceled twice in a row), he told us he was going to give a 15 min. lecture, then we could work on our projects. Well, my class is 2 hours long. The 15 min. lecture turned into a 2 hour lecture. Thus we got nothing done, and the projects that were due that Thursday, are done. Whether or not he's there could pose a problem.

Those are my teachers, the others are online. I think the funniest name I've heard for a prof. is my health teacher, Coach Paine (pronounced "Pain"). So yah, I thought these were funny things in my life.... Or at least to me. Whether you think so also or not, I should be going to bed.... oy.

ttfn (thanks Tim)